Not even Mick had remained tonight.ДЄnd so, though at war with herself over whether the question would help or hurt more, she asks it anyway, her expression soft, her voice quiet. It is late, or rather early, and it is only them in the bar. So at his words, she falls silent for a long moment, simply watching him, seeing the play of emotions, and her own heart breaks a little. Of someone whoвЂ“вЂ“by all appearances to the contrary of what his words would have her to believeвЂ“вЂ“he loved. Of the sea and of the freedom it granted.Д«ut he had never spoken of a woman. Yet somehow, when he gives his answer, the trueanswer, she realizes that she hadnвЂ™texpected it. It always seemed more, on those nights where he would look so distant. She had known, even before he began to speakвЂ“вЂ“hell, even before sheвЂ™d asked her questionвЂ“вЂ“that there was more than simply the loss of the seas. Pirates were hardly known for their chastity.вЂќ It was the fragility and bitterness of the expression that showed it had been to him, something more than sex, something more than a pirate seeking companionship for one night before he sailed away, something more than just the usual playing with hearts. вЂњTo a woman, Missy.вЂќ He finally let the confession slip passed his lips, with a wan smile. To growing old, or otherwise, beside another, when he had never thought that had still been possible for him to w a n t.Д«ut AJ was honest and AJ wouldnвЂ™t tell his secrets, and she wouldnвЂ™t laugh at him, or think him an Old Fool, or Weak, or any of the other descriptors heвЂ™d used to describe himself s i n c e. To being believed in and trusted in and loved beyond anything he could have ever predicted or hoped forвЂ¦ To a lie lived willingly, for the safety at first and then just for the comfort, the serenity of another soul to walk the world with, a contentment he had never thought heвЂ™d feel again. To a form by his side, warm and restful, in a too-big bed.

The passinвЂ™ oвЂ™ the years, the changinвЂ™ oвЂ™ the world, the loss oвЂ™ freedom. Hidden under the surface, like the heart of an iceberg, only the tip of it visible and only then when he let it out, when he let it glimpse the sunlight for mere seconds before being slammed back down again and held imprisoned behind hard, cold walls. The Sea.вЂќ But there was more to it than that. He tried to deflect, managing to wave an idle hand. He swallowed, and tried to just breathe through the sudden pain that the innocent question caused, somewhere in his very core, somewhere where his heart once was, that felt so much like it was b r e a k i n g.

The question caught him off guard, and he froze entirely, his hand holding the edge of the counter-top so firmly that it was creaking under his crushing grasp. So the question is, where canвЂ™t you return?

Stars are only visible in darkness